College Football’s 2011 FBS All-Name Team (1 of 2)
With college football season quickly approaching, we skimmed through FBS football rosters to find some of the sport’s best names. No, we didn’t make these up. We swear. So, here’s college football’s 2011 FBS All-Name Team.
DL: Stephen Ruempolhamer (Iowa State)
We’re sure the Rumpelstiltskin jokes are endless. Oh, that’s not the type of thing that football players would joke about? Well, c’mon men of the gridiron, starting including ancient fairy tales into your locker room ribbing.
DL: Jose Jose (UCF)
He lost his scholarship last year after being charged with – but not convicted of – aggravated assault with a firearm and carrying a concealed weapon. Now, he’s back with the Knights after a stint in junior college. We don’t want to pile on but, dude, your first and last names are the same. The only thing that could make this better is if his first name was “Noway.”
DL: Gods-Power Offor (Wake Forest)
He goes by G.P. but Gods-Power was given his name because his parents felt the birth was through Gods-Power. We wonder if opposing quarterbacks will feel the same when he is driving them into the ground.
DL: Silverberry Mouhon (Cincinnati)
His first name sounds like a new flavor of Vodka. Can’t you see Diddy coming out with Ciroc: Silverberry? In fact, if we see him marketing it on a commercial, we’re suing.
LB: Yourhighness Morgan (FAU)
This is just too easy: Move over LeBron, Morgan is the real king of South Florida. We demand the cover of next year’s FAU media guide to be Morgan in a throne with a crown on his head.
LB: Vontaze Burfict (Arizona State)
One of the best defensive players in the nation, Burfict also has one of the finest names. Vontaze is a name that just jumps out at you. It’s no wonder the linebacker is known for nuclear temper. We’ve heard rumors of “Don’t Taze Me, Bro” t-shirts and want one immediately. Tank Carder sadly has to settle for second team since “Tank” is a nickname.
LB: Boyblue Aoelua (New Mexico State)
Really? We’d be feeling blue too if we had to play for woeful New Mexico State.
DB: Wave Ryder (Navy)
Doesn’t this sound like a sequel to the Hollywood movie “Soul Surfer”? We guess when you have a last name Ryder and you are from Honululu, your parents are just obligated to name you “Wave.” We love it.
DB: Happiness Osunde (Texas Tech)
He was formerly known as Junior Osunde, but we like the new moniker. How can we make a joke about a guy who wants to make it known that he’s so happy? We won’t, even if he doesn’t look very happy. Now it’s only fair to name his first born, “Hakuna Matata.”
DB: Bacarri Rambo (Georgia)
This is shaping up to be a great college football season for already; there are guys named Thor and Rambo who will be suiting up this fall. Let’s hope there’s a Judge Dredd playing high school football somewhere.
DB: Konockus Sashington (North Texas)
The last name is so regal; it really doesn’t seem to go with Konockus – but what does? Somehow, we love the combination.
K: Bobby Stonebraker (Oklahoma State)
His full name sounds like a nickname a bunch of guys would give their buddy. For the confrontational friend, it’s “Tommy Tough Guy.” For the guy that likes to crack jokes about others? That’d be Bobby Stonebraker.
P: Kirby Van Der Kamp (Iowa State)
The good thing for Kirby? His status as an FBS football player helps him with the ladies. His name certainly won’t. I can hear it now: “I’m dreaming of one day being Mrs. Van Der Kamp.”